Title: O is for Oncology
Spoilers: 2x09 Secrets, 2x11 & 2x12 The Tok'ra, parts 1 & 2
Category: Angst, Family/Friendship
Prompt: The Letter 0
Word Count: 307
Beta: Super thanks to
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So back in December, tejas wrote a rant on the frequent use of extraneous details of food and kitchenware and generally how incorrect the portion sizes of food are for 6"+ men who live active lifestyles. Well, somewhere down the line hsapiens commented that she really couldn't care less whether Jack preferred Heinz or Hunt's ketchup, and thus this double drabble was born. The rant & thread of comments is listed here.( Collapse )
“Repeated Alien Abduction Stories Spreading Like Wildfire in Montana Countryside” The news article caught Teal'c's attention at the local supermarket while shopping with Jack for an upcoming barbeque. To top it off, the author was a regular columnist for his favorite tabloid, The Globe The Jaffa eagerly thrusted the liberated paper onto the motorized belt and proceeded with the checkout, determined to read the article in full on the ride to Jack's house.
“The abduction accounts seem to be identical, which of course raises the credibility in the assertion. According to each of the 87 abductions in the past two weeks, a thin wiry grey alien with large black orbs for eyes encircled the abductee in a bath of white streaming light and they were instantly transported to a large hollow metal ship. According to the victims, the grey alien in question attached electrodes to various body parts and studied a large holographic screen above them.”
"O'Neill, does this passage not sound like the Asgard are behind this?" Teal'c was prone to read aloud many of the stories he read in his tabloids to Jack, who in turn had learned to block out Teal'c's voice with relative ease.
"Huh? What are you talking about big fella? Asgard?" Jack would have snatched the tabloid from the Jaffa's grasp if he hadn't been driving the truck. Or perhaps it was because he knew that the Jaffa would take revenge for this action in their next sparring session.
Teal'c continued reading. “Three victims claim that the grey alien used a pearly wireless mouse to use his "computer" and one claimed that it would be worth "quite a bit" at the local pawn shop.” Jack began to wonder just how much an Asgard communications device would be worth. “Strangely, none of the accounts include the normal accusations of anal probing or floating in air. Instead the victims unanimously claim that the alien only spoke to them. When asked of what the alien spoke, several victims stated that the alien told them that they must vote in this upcoming November's presidential elections.”
"Oh, for crying out loud! Aliens made them vote? What kind of crock is this?"
"Do you not believe O'Neill that a rogue Asgard may be trying to influence the upcoming elections? The Asgard are well aware of our political situation." Teal'c was always quick to believe anything he read in his tabloids.
"T, buddy. You can't honestly believe that an Asgard would be so incredibly bored he'd involve himself in our elections? But, while you're on the topic, I don't suppose your article states who the Asgard are rooting for?" Jack hadn't yet made up his mind for the upcoming election. His absentee ballot was sitting on his kitchen counter, ready to be filled out and sent. If the Asgard do have an opinion, maybe Jack should listen to it. He didn't become a General by ignoring good advice from close allies.
"They do not, O'Neill. It seems that the Asgard in question only wanted the citizens of Montana to vote. Although, the author seems to have more to say on the subject.”
“This author believes there's more to this than meets-the-eye. According to a confidential source at the state election board, all of the abductees had their voting rights stripped from them three weeks ago because of undeliverable mail. When questioned about this, several of the abductees hadn't realized they were no longer registered voters. Obviously, there's intelligent life out there in the sky. And they are not happy about this scandalous attack on democracy! “
"You're joking, right? The Asgard are worried about elections in Montana? What, they desperately want someone to win?"
"It does not appear to be the case, O'Neill. It seems that the Asgard are more interested in making sure that this injustice does not go on. Though, I must admit, their peculiar interest in this election is puzzling."
"Teal'c, you don't seriously believe an Asgard is going to waste his time on a single election? Don't they have more important things to do, like fix their cloning problem?" Jack and Teal'c had long parked in Jack's driveway, though the discussion had kept them from getting the melting ice cream out of the truck and into the freezer.
"Indeed they do."
"I can see it right now, Asgard Against Voter Suppression in Montana, all over the headlines." Jack's voice dripped in sarcasm and cynicism. "There is no way, Teal'c, that the Asgard are involved. They don't even have elections, do they?" Jack walked away from the Jaffa, determined not to let the rest of the ice cream melt over a heated discussion of something that was virtually impossible. The Jaffa did not answer O'Neill, but grabbed his tabloid from the front seat and took it inside to read once again.
Meanwhile, far above the green lush lands of Montana, a small cloaked Asgard ship hung in orbit. Forseti pulled up the list of caged voters and made up his list of who to visit this night.
“You wanted to see me, sir?” Jack rapped quietly on General Hammond’s door, waiting for the eventual invitation. He was still bouncing on his heels in sheer joy for finally being released from the wretched timeloop. No more Latin, no more convincing everyone they’re not crazy, no more Daniel asking frustrating questions, and thank heavens for no more fruitloops, no matter how much he normally enjoyed them.
“Yes, Jack, please come in! Take a seat!” George was in his normal mood, maybe just a little happier, as far as Jack could tell. Maybe General Hammond was having a good day. Jack certainly was having an amazing day. “I am hoping you might be able to help me out with a mystery, Jack.”
“Oh, and what might this mystery be?” Jack tilted his head slightly to the side, deep inside he was grinning madly.
“We found these posted in the commissary while you and SG-1 were on P4X-639, along with a betting sheet to which was the better…” George paused momentarily and coughed in modesty, “specimen.” He tossed over the two black and white photocopies and Jack had to hide the wince of recognition as he took a good and close look at his and Tealc’s unclothed behinds. It’s a really good thing I removed that platoon tatoo a few years ago. “Naturally, I cannot condone this sort of behavior by any of the personnel under my command. We have yet to identify to whom those…” George paused again, “butts belong, but I was hoping you may have noticed in previous timeloops who the perpetrators might be.”
Jack feined looking confused, a skill he had honed and perfected in the past several years. “I don’t understand, sir.”
George contemplated the colonel for a moment. “Major Carter informed me that since this action is most likely not a direct effect of the timeloop, it should have occurred in every loop. As you and Teal’c are the only ones who can remember past timeloops, I was hoping that you might have witnessed who put the pictures up in the commissary.”
“Right!” Jack felt caught in the lie, and was thankful for the way out. “Sorry, sir, but Teal’c and I were a bit preoccupied with Daniel during each loop learning and remembering the translation of the ruins. We didn’t see a thing, General.” Jack gave a smug smile at the answer.
“Very well then, Colonel, I’ll leave you to your mission report! You’re dismissed!” George smiled at Jack while he gathered together the photocopies off the desk and shoved them in a folder. Jack smiled back in relief that he had not been caught in the act. He honestly hadn’t expected the most recent trip to P4X-639 to work and relied on the expectation that his prank would be destroyed with the new timeloop, but at least now he had the very satisfactory answer to the ultimate question as he took one last glance at the betting sheet.
Jack was already half-way out the door when General Hammond stopped him. “By the way, Jack, was it you or Teal’c who broke the glass on the Xerox machine?”
Before he realized the question, Jack answered truthfully. “Teal’c, sir!”
Title: The Trip to the New York Museum of Art
Series: The Young Daniel Series
Word Count: 3615
Characters: Daniel Jackson, age nine
Categories: angst, hurt/comfort, family (for the series)